Any evangelistic site is likely to receive email inquiries on many subjects, often urgent
requests for personal advice. Receiving such email is one of the big encouragements of operating an evangelistic outreach, but it can be challenging.
You will need a strategy for getting answers back to people quickly. A larger site will probably
a small volunteer team of people who can reply to questions from inquirers. This page
is designed in a small way to equip such helpers. Previous experience in mentoring, or
training in counseling are very valuable qualifications for such
volunteers. The ability to come alongside people, display empathy, and understand how people think, is not always easy to acquire.
Retired missionaries or pastors could have a
fulfilling role in this. Delegating key tasks to others is a vital aspect of multiplying Christian work, yet is it often
practiced? Any time we are getting too busy, we should go back and read Exodus 18: 13-26 – Jethro's wise advice to Moses.
If need to restrict the number of emails you get by making your email address very hard to find,
you should ensure that your site has clear links to other sites which do offer email advice.
Discipleship and follow-up
There are a wide range of sites which fulfil the needs of
discipling new Christians, and attempting to help them find local fellowships in their areas.
Read how the
Polish outreach team stress followup and discipleship in their outreach ministry.
Any media outreach, using radio, literature, or the Web, has to face the problem of helping inquirers and converts who may be at a long distance. However, the Internet does have the advantage of rapid email communication for online fellowship and encouragement. For converts who live many kilometers from a church, online fellowship and mentoring may be a very big help to them. Even in parts of Europe, there are huge areas with very few good churches. In the Middle East, it may be even harder for a new Christian to meet together with others. Ongoing online fellowship can be a lifeline to such people.
Life problems
"Pity is feeling sorry for someone; empathy is feeling sorry with someone. Empathy is fellow feeling for the person in need – his pain, agony, and burdens." Martin Luther King
Obviously, in many respects face-to-face counseling and follow-up is better than the limited contact offered by email. However, many people
value the anonymity of email, and it has been well-documented that people share problems more easily online. (I use the term
counseling to mean "offering a listening ear, and giving common-sense practical advice, including sharing a Christian
angle to the problem", not "attempting to provide amateur psychological therapy, or analysis.")
But many people are living lives of "quiet desperation", and will seek advice online when they might not seek help elsewhere.
Counseling guidelines
Here are guidelines for counseling including links to
many other pages that may help contacts with problems.
If you have training and experience in counseling, you can have a permanent ministry on the Internet. So many people are looking for help. Either by building your own web-site,
offering your help to other web ministries, or finding contacts by making tactful contact through mailing lists, you will quickly
find many you can minister to.
Counseling is probably the wrong word. It is certainly difficult to offer in-depth counseling by email in the sense that a professional would do. That really does demand face-to-face contact. The approach is rather just a hand of friendship, and if necessary a shoulder to cry on. It is also important to be aware of the best online resources, so that you can point people to them.
Suggested approach
If you have an evangelistic site, many people writing to you (possibly in distress) will not be Christians, or have any
knowledge of the Bible. We cannot therefore use the same approach that we might in advising, for example, a church member.
Do not launch in immediately with Christian words and concepts, and lots of Bible quotes. We need to start from where they are at.
The art of counseling is often not to give lots of answers or tell them what to do, but suggest a framework for people to make
their own decisions. A gentle listening approach is needed. Try to identify with as many of their stated feelings as you can.
- Be unshockable. They have done you the honor of sharing a problem with you. Whatever they have done, whatever their views,
(sexual, financial, whatever) still get alongside them, without condemning.
- Try to offer general common-sense advice and sympathy first, and then lead on to the fact that God can help them. You may be
able to share how God has helped you in particular ways in the past.
- Do also highlight that being a Christian is a relationship, not a religion/going to church/sticking to sets of rules. This is
something that non-Christians have no concept of. They really do think that being a Christian is trying to follow certain rules
in your own strength.
- Often, a first email will give relatively little information about the writer. It is frequently hard to tell whether someone
is a Christian or not. So ask gentle questions to find out more. Share some personal information about yourself so that they also
can get to know you, and see you as a friend rather than just an email address.
- Asking gentle questions, and suggesting you hope to hear from them, leaves the door open for them to reply back, and know that
they are welcome to do so.
- If you don't hear from someone after a time, do inquire again how they are getting on, without seeming pushy. They may not
want further contact, but it does show a caring attitude.
- If their problem would benefit from them seeing someone face-to-face, advise them to seek help from (as appropriate): a
doctor, health professional, counselor, spiritual leader, school counselor, work personnel department, teacher, debt counselor,
family member, trusted friend, etc.
- Do build up your own list of helpful web-sites that you can point people to, such as those on this page.
- Although you are not counseling in a professional sense, do try to read Christian and secular books about counseling and helping
people with problems. Try to learn what makes people tick, and, how they react to different problems and situations.
- If you feel out of your depth with a certain problem, find someone else who can help, or refer the person to a web-site
dealing with specific problems e.g. depression and suicide, pornography addiction, rape and sexual abuse trauma, same-sex
attraction, etc. These problems need a lot of empathy, understanding and experience.
- Do encourage people also to seek face-to-face help in their local situation where necessary. Suggest the value of 12-Step recovery programs where applicable.
- One-to-one in-person counseling may be wisest done by someone of the same gender. This seems less important in email help, though be sensitive to the situation.
Some problem areas would anyway be better dealt with by someone of the same sex. It is also wise to hand a contact over to someone of the same sex if a dependent or inappropriate relationship
was developing. This can and does happen on the Web even with well-intentioned Christians.
Resource sites
Here is a selection of resource pages. If any are no longer available, please report this using
the report button on the top of each page. You can no doubt find many more by searching within
DMoz and
Zeal.com/
General Christian Recovery Directories
These Christian recovery sites carry a large range of helpful web-sites and email support lists – some
Christian, some secular.
- Christians in Recovery (some material in other languages).
- Christian Recovery
- IUGM's Christian Recovery Connection
- 12 Step Cyber Cafe
- Christian Recovery database – find Christian recovery ministries within US by area
- 12 step recovery.
Do encourage people with serious dependency problems to seek out 12-Step recovery programs. These have a proven track record. They originate in sound Biblical principles, and can be
very successful even when operated without a specifically Christian perspective. In a Christian context,
they can uniquely successful in situations where advice, prayer, good intentions or
willpower have been unable to bring complete release. The significance of 12-Step Recovery is often not fully realized.
Many think of it as only related to alcohol abuse, and are unaware of
the Christian origin of the system or how successful it can be when used in a fully Christian context. If you wish to help people who have any form of dependency or addiction, learn about the 12 Steps and their use in a group situation.
- Online greetings cards – sometimes a nice way of showing love and support to someone who needs it
- Email support lists. There are also many two-way email support lists for people with different types of problems. You may find these useful, both for learning more about how people face particular types of problems, and also as a resource to recommend to people with a specific problem.
Depression
Suicide
Domestic violence
Sex
Abuse
Pregnancy Crisis Counseling
Post Abortion Trauma
- Safe Haven.
A page for those suffering post-abortion trauma, non-condemning and supportive, with a gentle evangelistic message.
Alcohol and other addictions
- Alcoholics Victorious
Christian 12-step support for alcohol and chemical dependency.
- Look for many other 12-step recovery programs and support programs, on the General Recovery sites.
Disabilities and illness
Anxiety
Shyness and social anxiety
Debt counseling
Understanding cults
If attempting to help someone in a cult, make sure you understand what they really believe, not
what you think they believe.
Sensitive to other cultures
When writing to people of other religions, take care to avoid saying anything which might insult or be misunderstood.
For instance, many Jewish people prefer 'God' to be written 'G-d'. A Muslim will appreciate you using 'Isa Masih' instead
of 'Jesus Christ'. Learn more about other religious beliefs.